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Archive for September, 2010

Chad Ochocinco Promotes Phone Sex?

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Actually he’s not trying to, but because of a mistake with a 1-800 phone number listing, folks who buy Ochocinco’s cereal, which helps promote the Feed the Children program, are treated to something unexpected if they call the 1-800-HELP-FTC hotline. Instead of being connected to an operator for FTC, callers are greeted by a phone sex service, offering hot times with the “slutty” girl who recorded the message, and she’s including all of her ultra-hot friends.

Sounds like a hot time (for only 99 cents a minute!!!).

Unfortunately, however, folks who called expecting Feed the Children information were probably not looking for hot times with slutty girls — or, well, chicks with hot voices.

The story was pointed out to us by CincyJungle, and ESPN filling in any blanks of information — literally, not metaphorically.

Cincinnati-based Kroger Co. said Thursday it was pulling all Ochocinco cereal boxes from its grocery shelves because of the error. Some local stores had them on special display after the launch about a month ago.


Ochocinco told WCPO that the number was clearly a mistake and he’s sure that the maker will fix the problem.

So a funny mistake was had by all, and I must say, I’m glad the family who reported the issue didn’t freak the hell out like the “concerned” folks who acted like a fool over Janet Jackson’s metal-covered boob. Clearly, the mix-up was a mistake, unless, of course, Ochocinco is an investor in the phone sex industry.

Hey, you can’t knock such a hustle, especially when you consider just how profitable the adult business is.

Dwight Howard Skipped The FIBA Worlds For This?

Dwight Howard Album

One of the Dwight Howard’s biggest knocks had to do with his limitations as a post player, featuring a limited amount of post moves — outside of his raw-power assaults at the rim. Because of that, Howard’s decision to not attend the FIBA World Championship was a little confusing, and he was actually taken to task by Bill Simmons for it.

It continues to be funny that Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh decided this experience couldn’t have helped them as basketball players.

Clearly, the World Championship could’ve helped Howard, although, one can understand his desire to rest and prepare for the Orlando Magic’s upcoming battles with LeBron’s Team 2.0 out of South Beach. However, those weren’t his only reasons for not attending, either. When asked about FIBA, Howard offered other suggestions about how he’d use his offseason time:

…forgo the World Championships in Turkey this summer in order to rest and possibly act in a movie and/or appear in a television reality show, among other things.

Nowhere in that manifesto was “improving as a basketball player to improve our chances of getting back to the NBA Finals,” and after seeing this press release, it’s easy to see why: Howard would rather spend his free time continuing to act like a kid. I’m not sure what else explains the release of his debut album, Shoot For The Stars, a collection of “arena anthems and classic hits” all karaoke’d by Orlando’s man-child himself.

The album also features the title’s song, which is a call for youngsters to follow their dreams or some such.

I certainly don’t begrudge folks wanting to help children, even though I think today’s society is far too catering to the whims of youth. But if Dwight wants to be a positive role model for the children, nothing’s wrong with that; but at some point, you also have an obligation to the franchise that pays you a king’s ransom to become the best player you can be. Put it this way: LeBron has been absolutely brutalized for way he handled his offseason, but it’s clear James has been all about basketball once the fire from his “look at me” decision burnt out.

Do you remember seeing LeBron’s album for children coming out? No, instead, it’s been all about how James is preparing to silence his doubters this upcoming season. As for Dwight Howard? Not so much. Aside from taking shots at the Heat with his “I’d choose Durant first” stuff, Howard has been putting his focus in other ventures, all seemingly non-basketball related.

Again, if Howard wants to help children, that’s all fine and good, but don’t be surprised if, in the next round of playoff games (still a few games away), Howard’s offensive game still hasn’t met the demands of his critics and his shortcomings as a post player are again brought to the forefront.

I Am Mike Vick’s Complete Lack of Surprise

Vick Jersey

Now that’s he’s secured the starting spot for the Philadelphia Eagles, fans have responded in kind to make Mike Vick’s jersey one of the best-selling in the NFL. Color me surprised. According to Darren Rovell’s post, local Philly stores are stocking up to meet the demand, and after his performance thus far this season, Vick is apparently Philadelphia’s forgotten son. Yes, his play has improved — it’s pretty amazing what a team full of offensive weapons can do, as opposed to Alge Crumpler and a decent running game.

I am, however, getting a tad uncomfortable with the incredible amounts of cannoning going on with Vick, who’s being treated like royalty — if not the second coming — by the folks at ESPN and other outlets. If I have to hear anymore about tales of redemption, I might scream.

Yes, folks deserve a second chance, but we shouldn’t forget what it was that made the second chance necessary to begin with.

Do we champion non-athletic-stud convicted fighting dog breeders who turn over new leafs? Do we even know of any to champion? I highly doubt it, and that’s why all of this rings a little hollow to me. The only reason folks like Jemele Hill are being so forgiving is because Vick’s ability to dazzle on the field, not because they believe he deserves redemption. If Vick’s considerable skill had decreased noticeably, so much so he couldn’t land an NFL job, instead of improving like they have, he’d but just another dog killer no one cares about.

Hell, even Arthur Blank got in on the “Yay, Mike Vick” fun. Apparently, finding Matt Ryan to save your franchise forgives a lot of previous ills Vick was responsible for.

As it stands, we now have to listen to Michael Wilbon on PTI screaming about Vick being the MVP of the league. I guess as long as his athletic ability continues to astound, people will simply overlook the choices he made before his tale of “redemption” began.

Clearly, the only thing O.J. Simpson lacked after his infamous “not guilty” verdict was a sweet NFL comeback. There’s no telling what his Q-rating would be if Simpson would’ve came back and rushed for 2000 yards. Maybe even higher than Vick’s.

Devin Hester Electrifies Solider Field

While it was an unusual amount of penalties that ultimately did the Green Bay Packers in, Devin Hester provided the electricity for Soldier Field with a slick 62-yard punt return touchdown in the beginning of the fourth quarter. It was Hester’s first punt return touchdown in three years, but it clearly came at an opportune time.

Apparently, the “don’t punt it to Hester rule” has gone out the window. After last night’s return, along with another he almost broke, perhaps the edict needs to return.

Rashied Davis’ Hair Makes the Cut

Rashied Davis

Perhaps Rashied Davis was channeling Brian Bosworth, or maybe he was compensating for the lack of a logo on their throwback helmets; but whatever the case, I’m a fan of the Chicago Bears logo on the side of Davis’ head.

Whoever painted the logo did a nice job, featuring some great attention to detail and an excellent use of color.

Unfortunately for Davis, the logo didn’t help Jay Cutler throw any balls his way, and considering his complete lack of wide receiver stats, it’s doubtful his choice in hair decoration is going to get him off of special teams duty anytime soon.

No More “Mallett For Heisman” Talk, Please

Ryan Mallett

Two game-turning fourth quarter interceptions when your team was leading by two scores against the defending BCS Champs, on your own home field, is not the way to cement your name as a Heisman Trophy contender. Sure, Mallett looks like a good-to-great quarterback and he’ll probably make a lot of money in the next NFL Draft, but he won’t be doing so with the title “Heisman winner” by his name.

At least not after he fell flat on his face in crunch time against Alabama. Yes, there’s time for some redemption, but performances like Mallett’s fourth quarter are not soon forgotten.

C.J. Spiller Has Some Wheels

Sure, the Buffalo Bills lost to the Patriots yesterday, 38-30, but it wasn’t for a lack of effort — or an explosive run-back from rookie C.J. Spiller. Yes, a loss is a loss, be it by eight points or a 1000, but unlike the Kentucky Wildcats against the superior Florida Gators, the Bills, well, tried, even though they were going against a better team most folks expected them to get smashed by.

Hell, the Bills scored more points than the 2-1 Bengals did against the Patriots, and Spiller’s two touchdowns, one courtesy of the aforementioned 95-yard return, played a big part in that.

Kansas City’s Rookies Make Lots of Noise

Tony Moeaki

Are the 3-0 Kansas City Chiefs for real? It’s hard to say, but 3-0 and is 3-0, regardless of who you’ve played. You can only beat who has been put in front of you, and the Chiefs have done just that and looked fairly impressive doing so, especially on the defensive side of the ball. While quarterback Matt Cassel continues to be the bane of the local sports reporters’ existence, there’s no denying the Chiefs have a lot of young talent on offense and if the defense continues to perform, the playoffs might come sooner than most expected.

One of the new studs on offense is tight end Tony Moeaki, and against the 49ers, he lived up to the hype with a fantastic one-handed catch; one some are calling the catch of the year.

See for yourself:

Another young stud and safe-driving enthusiast, Dexter McCluster, continues to wow Chiefs fans with his explosive plays, ones that usually result in touchdowns:

So while the Chiefs might not be Super Bowl contenders just yet, and while Cassel continues to take heat from his local critics, they do have a stout defense and some talented newcomers on offense. Couple that with an easy regular season schedule, and the Chiefs have a legitimate chance to make a run at the playoffs.