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God Help Me

These wonder-geniuses above me are the perpetrators of one of the more pathetic Internet-related crimes in memory. As documented by WithLeather and World Of Issac, a group of female cheerleaders detained and beat one of their “teammates” because of some apparent MySpace stuff her attackers didn’t agree with.

So what did they do to correct the situation?

They detained the girl for over 30 minutes and took turns beating the stuffing out of her — all because of a freaking MySpace page. It’s times like these that words begin to absolutely fail me.

Not only were the female badasses stupid enough to execute something like this, they also filmed it in hopes of making a popular Internet video; because, you know, there’s nothing that says viral popularity like detainment and assault.

According to reports:

The 16-year-old suffered a concussion, eye injuries and several bruises. During the attack, two others [the men in the mugshots leading this post] were outside keeping watch according to the sheriff’s office.

In fact, the sheriff said, Lindsay was lured into the home for the sole purpose of capturing and posting the video on the Internet. According to the sheriff’s office arrest affidavit, Lindsay told deputies they “were going to post the beating on MySpace and YouTube.”

Fortunately for the sake of society, the Sheriff’s office is recommending these vapid, self-absorbed, me-firsters be tried as adults. In case you are wondering, here’s the video our cheerleading wonder-geniuses provided.

To quote Chandler Jarrow from The Golden Child, “Brilliance is, the best brilliance is brilliance born not from someone ignorant.” I guess this isn’t an example of “best brilliance” now is it? Sigh. The struggle continues.

By the way, it looks like South Park nailed the YouTube phenomenon quite nicely.

I’m not your fwend, buddy! I’m not your buddy, guy!