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Clint Dempsey

After scoring what was probably the most important goal of his international career, what can Clint Dempsey do for an encore against the Spanish national team, their unlikely opponent in about 20 minutes? Does the US stand a chance against the top-ranked team in FIFA? Quickly, if they can play with the same effort they showed against Egypt, the US will have a chance. However, if they provide the same showing they gave against the Brazilians — man down or not — Spain’s conquering will be reminiscent of the Incas.

In light of that, here are just some of the things the US can do to improve their chances:

- Kidnap Fernando Torres

- Better yet, kidnap the entire Spanish midfield

- Move the start time down a day or two, while hiding the news from Spain

- Send the Spanish team bus on a detour into an African safari

- Ply them with hookers

- A text message-based attack from Jozy Altidore. Confusion works, you know

- If these suggestions don’t work, I have one more:

It’s the only way to be sure.