Dating Tips for Mark Sanchez
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So by now you’ve probably heard the news that Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez hooked up with a 17-year old. Yay him. It’s not illegal because 17 is the age of consent in New York, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Or right. Or cool.
Since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I think some dating tips for Mr. Sanchez might be in order.
Card Anyone Who Looks 40 or Younger
Sanchez needs to follow the rules most liquor stores have in place, where the legal age is 21 but they card anyone who looks 30 or younger. Rather than card for anyone who looks 30 and younger, maybe Sanchez should set the limit at 40. Just to be safe.
If a Giggling Teenager Approaches You, It Isn’t Just Because You’re Good Looking
Poor Sanchez has it difficult, because he’s gorgeous and just assumes that chicks wanna get with him because of that. But he needs to understand that he’s in the NFL now, and that alone makes him desirable to girls who wish to yak to the press afterward. Translation? Choose carefully, sluggo. Pictures, video, and other gory details of your special moments will be shared cuz that’s how some chicks roll.
Set a Minimum Age Limit Regardless of What State You’re In
When you’re a young, hot football player and you travel around the country, you’re bound to get confused about the legal age requirement for every single one. After all, you might meet a 17-year old in, say, Wisconsin and before you know it – OOOPS – you’re in jail. Why? Because you forgot that Wisconsin isn’t New York and the legal age limit is actually 18.
Since Sanchez is 24, I recommend an age cutoff of 20. Let’s just keep it simple. Stupid.
*applause* Well-done, Cherie!
Lucky for him, the age of consent in New Jersey is 16! So, he actually had a little buffer-zone there. But you must understand, that Mark Sanchez is a mental midget and is likely about 17 years old mentally, so that is an easy explanation for his decision-making in this case.
After all, this is a guy who would smear “boogers” on his teammates and draw mustaches on the photographs of his coach’s children.
Here’s a clue, Mark… grow the f**k up.
Ewww, now I have that booger image in my head!