Degenerates, New Year’s NCAA College Football Game Day is Here!
Yes, it’s an annual rite of celebration and wretched excess. When you’ve drank yourself beyond drunk and into a level of stupidity well-beyond that not seen since, well – you picked up your first drink tonight, you know it’s NCAA College Bowl Time!!!
Your body may do you a favor and knock you right on your ass before the sun comes up. Once the stench of your vomit stained clothes and urine soaked pants penetrates your nasal passages like freshly cracked smelling salts, you realize that there is barely enough time to get your crap together, grab your next beer, and head to the College Bowl Party. Here’s your NCAA College Bowl 2011 Schedule, you might want to write it down on a sticky note and put it in your pocket for when you come out of your coma tomorrow afternoon:
- TicketCity Bowl, 12-noon: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech
- Outback Bowl, 1:00PM: Florida vs. Penn State
- Capitol One Bowl, 1:00PM: Alabama vs. Michigan State
- Progressive Gator Bowl, 1:30PM: Mississippi State vs. Michigan
- Rose Bowl, 5:00PM: Wisconsin vs. TCU
- Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, 8:30PM: Connecticut vs. Oklahoma
Now, it pains me to post some of these Bowl Game names because I’m of an age where I remember, a time long ago in a galaxy far, far away, when NCAA College Bowl Games had simple names like; The Orange Bowl, The Gator Bowl, The Fiesta Bowl, The Peach Bowl, The Rose Bowl, The Cotton Bowl, and so on. That was before the almighty advertising dollar took a stranglehold on everything and NCAA College Bowl games tend to read like a short novel.
Contrary to popular opinion, New Year’s Day was not a holiday invented through a conspiracy between television executives and athletic directors of every major university in the country. It is not a day to celebrate the kids who play this great sport of football for no pay while generating billions of dollars in revenue for the academic institutions that they represent.
In your world, however, that is very likely the way it is celebrated the most. This year, with New Year’s Day and all of the NCAA College Bowl Games falling on a Saturday, your annual effort to break the world’s record for blood-alcohol content is aided by a full slate of NFL games on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011.
So, I bid you a very Happy New Year. Eat like a pig, drink like a slob, act like a retard, and enjoy the games without hurting yourself or anybody else.